Still "Fuck You" After All These Years
-
Happy fifth anniversary, you crazy son of a bitch.
11 years ago
Monday, November 10, 2008
love
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Just Say NO!
If a 2-year-old can do it, why is it so hard for a grown woman? Okay, we know why. But we also know it must be done: If you accepted every invitation, you'd never sleep. If you gave to every worthy cause, you'd go broke. If you went along with everything everyone ever wanted from you, you'd be...as exhausted as you are right now. So for the times when you're truly sorry to decline, and for the times when you'd rather have a root canal than say yes, I 'll give you ways to say "thanks but no thanks" and "count me out".
So, lesson number 1: Friends
Aaahhhh, friends. Isn't it the nicest thing on earth?
But, friendship can get pretty nasty if your "friends" start pushing you to do thigns you dont want to.
How to fix that? By saying "NO!".
How to do that? Just read below!
How to say no to...
...the not-quite-close-enough friend who asks to borrow your lipstick:
1. Celebrity makeup artist and sworn germaphobe Mally Roncal says: "I learned my makeup-sharing lesson in high school, when my friend used someone else's mascara and ended up with pinkeye. It's classic: You start passing around the blue eyeliner, and next thing, everyone's wearing eye patches." No need to imply that your friend is a walking virus factory, though; just say, "I didn't feel well this morning, and I'd rather not spread my germs."
...the friend who says, "Do I look okay in this?"
2. If you can save her from herself right now-i.e., the price tag is still on the dress and you haven't left the dressing room-say, "You look great, but that micromini doesn't do you justice."
3. If it's too late to save her but you want to help her avoid repeating the disaster, say, "You look great, as usual-though I have to admit, my favorite style on you has always been..." Then mention a specific outfit that makes her look her best.
....the friend or coworker who wants your help with yet another school bake sale or project at the office-when you don't have time to deal with your own stuff:
4. Tell her, "I'd love to help; unfortunately, I'm already overextended."
5. But if you're one of the pathologically accommodating women who can't open their mouths without saying, "Sign me up!": Shake your head and point to your STOP ME BEFORE I VOLUNTEER AGAIN button (12 for $24 at annetaintor.com).
...the friend or relative whose request to borrow money makes you uncomfortable:
6. "I'm not broke, but I can't afford to lend anything."
...the perfectly nice would-be friend who keeps inviting you to lunch-when you know in your gut that the two of you won't click:
7. "That sounds great, but I just can't put one more thing on my calendar for the next few weeks. Let me call you when things clear up." Who's to say things will ever clear up?
...the person who always wants to get together in the name of friendship but who you suspect just wants something from you:
8. Put her on the spot, politely: "I'm horribly overbooked right now, but I get the sense there's something in particular you wanted to discuss. What's up?" Any appeal-for your money, advice, contacts, time, whatever-can then be either easily satisfied or dismissed with a simple, kind "I'm sorry, I can't." Which should put an end to the lunch invitations.
...the social hug:
9. Do the preemptive handshake-or try the grab-the-forearms-then-stand-back-and-say-"Look at you!" move, as if you're admiring the would-be hugger's sheer fabulosity.
...the neighbor who asks you to check in on her cat while she's gone for the weekend:
10. If you have no pets or plants of your own-or anything else that might ever, under any circumstances, need tending; if you have no trash cans, newspapers, or mail that, in your absence, might ever need to be brought in; if it's guaranteed that no child of yours will ever damage your neighbor's property in a way that might make her think, Lawsuit?-then by all means say, "I'm sorry, but it's not a good weekend." Otherwise play by the golden rule. Someday you will thank us.
...the friend who asks if it's okay to bring another guest...
11. to your wedding: "I'm so sorry, but the guest list is set. It's a numbers thing-I'm sure you understand."
12. to your dinner party: "I'm planning to keep this gathering small and focused. I'd really like to stick to the guest list."
...the friend or relative who asks you to babysit:
13. You think you have to invent some elaborate excuse. You think it's a big, huge deal to say that you're sorry, you can't. Here's what you say: "I'm sorry, I can't."
So, lesson number 1: Friends
Aaahhhh, friends. Isn't it the nicest thing on earth?
But, friendship can get pretty nasty if your "friends" start pushing you to do thigns you dont want to.
How to fix that? By saying "NO!".
How to do that? Just read below!
How to say no to...
...the not-quite-close-enough friend who asks to borrow your lipstick:
1. Celebrity makeup artist and sworn germaphobe Mally Roncal says: "I learned my makeup-sharing lesson in high school, when my friend used someone else's mascara and ended up with pinkeye. It's classic: You start passing around the blue eyeliner, and next thing, everyone's wearing eye patches." No need to imply that your friend is a walking virus factory, though; just say, "I didn't feel well this morning, and I'd rather not spread my germs."
...the friend who says, "Do I look okay in this?"
2. If you can save her from herself right now-i.e., the price tag is still on the dress and you haven't left the dressing room-say, "You look great, but that micromini doesn't do you justice."
3. If it's too late to save her but you want to help her avoid repeating the disaster, say, "You look great, as usual-though I have to admit, my favorite style on you has always been..." Then mention a specific outfit that makes her look her best.
....the friend or coworker who wants your help with yet another school bake sale or project at the office-when you don't have time to deal with your own stuff:
4. Tell her, "I'd love to help; unfortunately, I'm already overextended."
5. But if you're one of the pathologically accommodating women who can't open their mouths without saying, "Sign me up!": Shake your head and point to your STOP ME BEFORE I VOLUNTEER AGAIN button (12 for $24 at annetaintor.com).
...the friend or relative whose request to borrow money makes you uncomfortable:
6. "I'm not broke, but I can't afford to lend anything."
...the perfectly nice would-be friend who keeps inviting you to lunch-when you know in your gut that the two of you won't click:
7. "That sounds great, but I just can't put one more thing on my calendar for the next few weeks. Let me call you when things clear up." Who's to say things will ever clear up?
...the person who always wants to get together in the name of friendship but who you suspect just wants something from you:
8. Put her on the spot, politely: "I'm horribly overbooked right now, but I get the sense there's something in particular you wanted to discuss. What's up?" Any appeal-for your money, advice, contacts, time, whatever-can then be either easily satisfied or dismissed with a simple, kind "I'm sorry, I can't." Which should put an end to the lunch invitations.
...the social hug:
9. Do the preemptive handshake-or try the grab-the-forearms-then-stand-back-and-say-"Look at you!" move, as if you're admiring the would-be hugger's sheer fabulosity.
...the neighbor who asks you to check in on her cat while she's gone for the weekend:
10. If you have no pets or plants of your own-or anything else that might ever, under any circumstances, need tending; if you have no trash cans, newspapers, or mail that, in your absence, might ever need to be brought in; if it's guaranteed that no child of yours will ever damage your neighbor's property in a way that might make her think, Lawsuit?-then by all means say, "I'm sorry, but it's not a good weekend." Otherwise play by the golden rule. Someday you will thank us.
...the friend who asks if it's okay to bring another guest...
11. to your wedding: "I'm so sorry, but the guest list is set. It's a numbers thing-I'm sure you understand."
12. to your dinner party: "I'm planning to keep this gathering small and focused. I'd really like to stick to the guest list."
...the friend or relative who asks you to babysit:
13. You think you have to invent some elaborate excuse. You think it's a big, huge deal to say that you're sorry, you can't. Here's what you say: "I'm sorry, I can't."
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self assured princess, happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, while enjoying a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought... "I don't f---ing think so."
The frog hopped into the Princess' lap and said "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome Prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young Prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in yon castle with my Mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, while enjoying a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought... "I don't f---ing think so."
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Trees talk to each other at night.
All fish are named either Lorna or Jack.
Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose.
Tiny bears live in drain pipes.
If you are very very quiet you can hear the clouds rub against the sky.
The moon and the sun had a fight a long time ago.
Everyone knows at least one secret language.
When nobody is looking, I can fly.
We are all held together by invisible threads.
Books get lonely too.
Sadness can be eaten.
I will always be there.
~ Raul Gutierrez
All fish are named either Lorna or Jack.
Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose.
Tiny bears live in drain pipes.
If you are very very quiet you can hear the clouds rub against the sky.
The moon and the sun had a fight a long time ago.
Everyone knows at least one secret language.
When nobody is looking, I can fly.
We are all held together by invisible threads.
Books get lonely too.
Sadness can be eaten.
I will always be there.
~ Raul Gutierrez
Friday, June 27, 2008
George Carlin
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight,
or to just hit delete...
Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.
A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
George Carlin
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